Today was the last day of the Shinkiko retreat seminar in Ise. One of the participants wrote in her report, “I used to think I was nothing, but from now on I’m going to live with confidence.”
We all have our own thinking habits. “I’m no good,” “I can’t do it,” “It was no good after all,” “Why does it have to be me?” We sometimes mutter these things to ourselves. Negative energy resonates with this negative mindset and gathers, further strengthening the habit.
Behind the words “I’m just…” lies a very pure feeling: “I really want to be recognized,” “I want to be loved,” “I want to be cherished.”
It could be that they believe they are worthless due to an experience of not receiving enough love in childhood, or it could be a defensive reaction to try to ease the pain of being rejected by others by first denying themselves, or it could be a sign that they want someone to tell them that it’s not true, or an indirect sign that they need help.
Negative energy gathers in tune with this “I’m nothing…” feeling, and it further strengthens this self-denial, which is itself the negative energy that carries that feeling.
However, by receiving Shinkiko, you can become aware of your thinking habits. As you continue to receive Shinkiko, the clumps of negative energy will gradually peel off and turn into light, and you will come to realize, “Oh, I was thinking in the same pattern again.” And once you become aware of your habits, it will become easier for negative energy to turn into light.
So, while receiving lots of Shinkiko, try listening to your own monologue. For example, if you make a small mistake at work and mutter to yourself, “I’m no good anymore,” then underneath that might be the desire to be perfect or to be recognized.
When someone scolds you and you think, “I should have said that more gently,” behind that thought may be a desire to be treated with care. When you’re frustrated waiting at the register and you say to yourself, “Why is it so slow?” behind that may be a desire to value your own time.
Observe your everyday self-talk in this way, and while receiving Shinkiko, ask yourself, “What feelings are behind these words?” Talking with fellow members at training courses or centers will give you even deeper insights. Understanding the underlying feelings will improve your life. From “I’m just not good enough” to “There are things I can do.” This change will attract more positive Ki and open the door to a new life.