My wife went to the hair salon. When she came back, she asked me, “What do you think of my hair?” and I replied, “It looks good.” When she asked me, “What do you like about it?”, I didn’t know what to say right away, so I answered, “It looks fresh.” Of course, since she had a haircut, it should look fresh. I felt a bit funny saying that myself.
To me, it’s nothing special, but to the person in question, that seems to be the key point. I was reminded once again that not understanding this is my weakness.
The other day, I read an article titled “How to improve your wife’s mood…” and it made me realize that I’m not good at small talk. People who aren’t good at small talk tend to dismiss small everyday events as “unimportant.”
It’s true that I’ve always prioritized things I consider important, like work and big goals. However, things like my wife’s hairstyle and other small everyday events may seem small to me, but they’re important to her. I realized that the problem was that I was using my own standards to define what I considered “small.”
I tend to think of rambling, inconclusive conversations as “unimportant talk,” and I don’t enjoy the conversation itself. “I’ve heard that story before,” “That story again?” “What’s the solution?” “How long are you going to be struggling with that problem?” These kinds of questions pop up one after another, and if there’s a problem, you want to solve it, and if there’s a goal, you want to set a goal. If the conversation isn’t leading to a solution or a goal, I lose interest in listening.
I always tell people, “When you receive the energy of Shinkiko and your own Ki rises, it becomes easier to feel at ease in your mind.” Feelings of joy emit positive Ki, which not only raises your own Ki but also changes the Ki of those around you. To achieve this, it’s important to be able to have casual conversations and chat. By listening to what others have to say through casual conversation and cherishing their small joys and interests, the bond between you will deepen.
From now on, when I think that something my wife is talking about is “small,” I will try to think, “Is it small to my wife?” and try to be in a position where I can listen to the things she likes. I would also like to borrow the power of Shinkiko’s energy even more, so that I can enjoy casual conversation with a relaxed mind.